Law School Low Points
Finals Week Edition (some of these are mine; others are friends’)
- Ordering underwear online with Amazon Prime 2-day shipping to avoid doing laundry
- Taking a shower and then putting on the same outfit afterward
- Wearing no pants. Ever.
- Giving yourself “study breaks” that are actually just studying for another subject. Alternatively, these breaks can be used for crying. Not to exceed seven minutes.
- Laughing out loud like a maniacal clown at the snarky comments in fact patterns
- Ordering every meal for a week even though you have a full kitchen of food. Because pouring cereal is seriously that time-consuming
- Listening to Call Me Maybe to remember that there is joy in the world
- Taking out your irrational mood swings on your pet: “Lil babycat, do you understand the Rule Against Perpetuities?” … “No?” … “Not even a little?” … “WHY ARE YOU USELESS!? I SHOULDA GOT A PARROT!”
- Makeup crusting over from disuse. Both in the bottle and on your face.
- Making a mental list of careers that don’t involve the law. List includes bakery owner, paparazzi, and “Leader of Arts and Crafts Day at Michael’s.”
- Forgetting that it’s Memorial Day (ironic?)
- Sending your parents pictures of your study area to make them feel bad for you
- Not realizing your are in your PJs until the delivery man shows up and obviously thinks you are ill because he hands you your food at arm’s length. (Note: Resist the urge to tell delivery guy about how arm’s length reminds you of long-arm statutes. This isn’t funny in normal person world.)
I think before and near the beginning of law school, students do this to try to impress people.
Now, we do it because being in law school is like having a rock in your shoe or food in your teeth or a splinter in your hand. It’s always nagging in the back of your mind, and therefore, it always seems relevant.
K?
Studying contracts tonight. Here are my TOP FIVE favorite cases so far:
5. The Taco Bell case. Some dudes spend forever developing the idea of the “Psycho Chihuahua.” Then, coincidentally, some other dudes say they came up with the exact same idea. What are the odds! Everyone’s just got vaguely threatening chihuahuas on the brain! Meanwhile, I’m reminiscing about my own Taco Bell chihuahua doll. I never knew he was supposed to be psycho. Law school has ruined my SoCal childhood.
Imaginary legislative response: CA legislature passes a law called the DBRACA, the “Don’t Be Racist Against Chihuahua Act.” Paris Hilton & Co. sponsored this bill. Paris doesn’t want the breed associated with Mexicans. Everyone is confused and high; the bill passes smoothly; Psycho Chihuahua is replaced by a cockatoo and Chipotle’s profits soar.
4. The messed-up nose job on the “entertainer”. Especially the fact that the judge was like, restitution just isn’t enough here. I mean, look at that nose. Let’s change the law because gawd almighty—that nose!
Imaginary dissent: The majority had to decide between restitution and reliance damages. After a long, deep reach, it picked reliance. This reeks of judicial activism. Reliance is a sticky, unpalatable, greenish choice. Let’s not congest the reality—everyone nose this “entertainer” is a stripper whose beak is clearly not the primary focus of her job. Out-of-pocket expenses, I say, and not a scent more!
3. The one where the people are supposed to build a bridge, and then when the county says, “Never mind we don’t want that bridge,” they just keep building it. Like DGAF, we’re building this bridge. Don’t worry about, it’s just a bridge, we’re almost done, nbd.
Questions left unanswered by the opinion: Were these Snow White’s workaholic dwarves? Tra la la la la we whistle while we do uninvited uncompensated work! Ritalin, 5-hr energy, Disney-world exile—all sorts of reasons to finish!
2. The one where the guy gathers up a gazillion promo points to try to redeem for a fighter jet that he saw on an obviously not serious commercial.
More ways to be an idiot: Start a dance party in the aisles of your next Virgin American flight. Take your Coors Light to the Rockies for a test. Go to Carl’s Jr. and throw burger remains at the pimply teen behind the counter, screaming, “It didn’t get all over the place! Get this out of my face!”
1. The one where the guy gets a skin graft on his hand and starts growing hair on his palm. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN. *law student encounters science and head explodes*
Questions left unanswered by the opinion: a. Wax, shave, or natural bush? Nair, perhaps? b. Did he have to reduce fist-pumps for fear of tangling? c. Did he prefer air dryers over paper towels in public restrooms, for the nice volume it gave his palm hair? d. What kind of conditioner did his hand use? e. Has he considered waxing it into a mustache-shape and drawing a face around it, and then saying “talk to the hand” to strangers on the street?
Me, right now, with my honey graham bears, staring at the computer.
My naked Sims Costume at Comicon! Not a meme but I thought you all would appreciate it :)
halloween costume??
this is fantastic.
![thedailywhat:
Weekend Read: Comic book writer and novelist Greg Rucka (Stumptown, Queen and Country) answers a frequently asked question in an incisive essay for io9 entitled “Why I Write ‘Strong Female Characters’”.
The entire piece is well worth a read, but here’s the key passage:
Writers don’t write Men or Women or Dogs or Salmon. Writers write characters, and at our best, if we do it well and with care and with thought, we invest in those characters a spark of life, a realism and nuance that makes them believable and relatable.
Rucka also questions why journalists don’t tend to ask female writers how they write “strong female characters,” and why more male writers don’t do the research about their female characters, the way they would with any other character whose experience differs from their own.
[io9]
Comic book writer AND a feminist? *swoon*
So true, too. Everyone has a woman who comes to mind when asked to imagine a “strong” person—whether it be your stern grandma or resilient mother or your aunt juggling seven babies and a full-time job. It’s a relatable, realistic image.
On the other hand, I don’t know too many women who skip around all day in tiny clothing, constantly falling into monsters’ clutches and fainting dramatically and being saved by flying men. Pretty sure if that girl exists, my grandma is gonna find her and smack her into shape.](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4lqi6DFJA1qzpwi0o1_500.jpg)
Weekend Read: Comic book writer and novelist Greg Rucka (Stumptown, Queen and Country) answers a frequently asked question in an incisive essay for io9 entitled “Why I Write ‘Strong Female Characters’”.
The entire piece is well worth a read, but here’s the key passage:
Writers don’t write Men or Women or Dogs or Salmon. Writers write characters, and at our best, if we do it well and with care and with thought, we invest in those characters a spark of life, a realism and nuance that makes them believable and relatable.
Rucka also questions why journalists don’t tend to ask female writers how they write “strong female characters,” and why more male writers don’t do the research about their female characters, the way they would with any other character whose experience differs from their own.
[io9]
Comic book writer AND a feminist? *swoon*
So true, too. Everyone has a woman who comes to mind when asked to imagine a “strong” person—whether it be your stern grandma or resilient mother or your aunt juggling seven babies and a full-time job. It’s a relatable, realistic image.
On the other hand, I don’t know too many women who skip around all day in tiny clothing, constantly falling into monsters’ clutches and fainting dramatically and being saved by flying men. Pretty sure if that girl exists, my grandma is gonna find her and smack her into shape.
